Jackmansitis.
by Lateo
Summary: Straight from the storyboard at W&J.com. If you like Hugh Jackman this is the story for you.
1. Default Chapter

I do not owe the X-men and this id dedicated to all the fine people on the comment room at WolverineandJubilee.com  
  
  
  
  
Artical from The Danish Daily News.  
  
  
The Johnson Institute is the home of one of the many treatment centres for people suffering from Jackmansitis. I am here today to interview Doctor Laege, one of the top specialists of this disease.  
  
We have been allowed to follow Dr. Laege around for a day as he makes his daily rounds, as long as we agreed not to reveal any of the patients' real names. They have all been given aliases in this article.  
  
"I have been studying this disease since it first broke out in Australia." The Doctor tells me. "It baffled scientist because it only seems to affect young women."  
  
"No men where affected?"  
  
"There you ask a good question, there are currently being made some research and it seems, and bare in mind that this is not scientifically proved, that in rare cases men might get it to."  
  
"Are there any males here?"  
  
"No not at the moment."  
  
He says this as he walks down the long light hall to make his first rounds. In the first room is a young girl about twelve years old. The walls of the room are covered with pictures and posters of various male movie stars. The girl gives us a smile and turns her attention back to the posters.  
  
Dr. Laege explains; "this patient is still in the early stages of Jacmansitis. It is our hope to change the course of the disease by turning her attention towards other moviestars. She still have half an hour left of looking and meditating, we have had great result with Russel Crowe pictures and…" He stops in front of a picture of a bearded Crowe, then calls for a nurse who removes it.  
  
"Why was that picture removed?" I notice the twelve-year-olds eyes watching the scene.  
  
"We try to avoid pictures that may remind the patient of Jackman; In this case the beard is like the role he played in X-Men. It is the same reason no one is allowed to use the word Darling or smoke cigars near the patients."  
  
"I see."  
  
Dr. Laege stops to fill out some forms and then explains the stages of the disease.   
  
"Normally it starts when the young woman sees the movie X-Men for the first time. She will feel an immediate reaction, causing her to want to see it over and over again, in extreme cases the woman will watch it alone when she has seen it with everyone else she knows. Then as the movie gets available to video she buys the tape so she can watch it at home."  
  
"Why doesn't the family interfere?"  
  
"Many of these women are aware of their unhealthy obsession and hides it from their close ones. By the time they can quote the movie we say they are in stage one."  
  
As he says this a nurse leaves a room and we hear the patient say in a false southern accent "but ah don't want you to leaaave" a young girl looks out the door and cling to cardboard dog tags she's wearing in a string around her neck. The doctor walks her back to her room and continues;  
  
"In stage two of the disease, the woman will begin to look for pictures off Jackman on the net and eventually she discovers fanfiction. In stage three She settles down in a comment room where she finds more of her own kind."  
  
"fanfic being stories about Wolverine, often of a sexual nature?"  
  
"Yes the patient will read anything she can get her hands on. On this stage there is still hope off curing the patient."  
  
We enter a new room, to my surprise the patient, We will reefer to her here as ´Lateo`,is sitting in front of a computer. Dr. Laege gives her a sad look.  
  
"We haven't been able to cure Lateo, She was already in stage four, when they brought her in."  
  
I look over Lateo´s shoulder she is writing something.  
  
"In stage four the patient writes her own fanfiction about Wolverine. Lateo´s case was especially bad she wrote long ramblings on the subject of Wolverines ass." He whispers the last word but Lateo hears him anyway. Her eyes glaze over and a happy smile appears on her face.  
  
"Ahhh his ass…"She mutters.  
  
The doctor looks sad and pads her on the head. Now she is in stage five, where the patient build her own homepage and names it after her self. Lateo here build a link archive and called it Lateo´s Lair, she showed signs of feeling proud about it.   
  
"Isn't there anything you can do?" It is shocking to see such a young woman already lost.  
  
"No, the hard part of my job to know when to let go, now all we can do is give her internet access so she doesn't suffer and let her be with her own kind."   
  
The docter makes the rest of his rounds and after a cup of coffee I leave, it has been a long day and many thoughts run through my mind as I leave the Institute.  
  
  
  
  
Give me feedback and I would be soooooooooooooooooo happy :)  
  
My webpage: www.angelfire.com/grrl/lateo   
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

I am just having so much fun writing this :)  
  
Article from The Danish Daily News.  
  
  
It has been a month since I last visited The Johnson Institute. I am here today to get the patients view of this decease, Dr. Laege has informed me that one of the patients, I saw last time, Lateo, who is in one of the last stages of the decease, has shown signs of getting better. We have been permitted to talk with her today.  
  
She sits in her room and miraculously, she is not online, and yes her computer isn't even turned on. She politely asks if we want something to drink and we decline.   
  
"So Lateo, when did you first discover Wolverine."  
  
"First you have to understand, that when I was a child no one realised the dangers of the X-Men. My parents would buy the comics for my brother and sometimes I would go into his room and read them to."  
  
"Is your brother suffering from Jackmansitis too"  
  
"No and he is only now becoming aware of my addiction."   
  
"I see, go on"  
  
"So I would read them and think Wolverine was cool but that was it. Then I became a teenager and…and…sorry can we stop for a minute"  
  
She dries her eyes what she is about to tell me is very traumatic.  
  
"So I gave my comics away, my beautiful collection of some of the earliest comics with Wolverine. I am still recovering from that lost."  
  
She shakes her head.  
  
"When I came to my senses again I was nineteen and then I could truly see what a hunk Wolverine is, I started the painful process of rebuilding my collection…and then the movie came. I went to see it with my brother, hoping and praying it wouldn't suck and it didn't all the actors where good. Then the cage scene came and there was his back…his beautiful back and jeans that where tight in all the right places and…and his chest and his eyes have you ever noticed his long eyelashes? And how…"  
  
Dr.Laege stops the interview at this point because young Lateo is rambling. He and a nurse gives her a Wolverine action doll to pet and it seems to calm her down.  
  
"Sometimes this happens" he explains. "Last week she had a visitor who have never seen X-Men and she…"  
  
Lateo becomes alert and interrupts "She said that Imontep from the Mummy where sexier then Hugh, I mean HALLO, he is sooo not sexier. Hugh should have played Imontep. AND Gladiator and when are we getting some decent sex scenes from him."  
  
Another girl peeks into the room.  
  
"Yeah Lateo, you tell them. Hugh should be in a loan cloth…oh Huuuugh"  
  
"His asssss" they both mumbles.   
  
Immediately they both seam to go into some kind of trance.  
  
Dr. Laege pushes me aside and runs to the intercom.  
  
"Code red, Code red"  
  
Male Nurses rush the room (no females can work here because of the danger of infection) and I am escorted off the grounds.   
  
  
  
  
Please review 


	3. Chapter 3

  
I took the first two chapters of this story and put them on the storyboard at www.wolverineandjubilee.com. This is what came out of it. Think of these as what a person researching this terrible decease would have in their possession: Articles, doctor's reports, media clips.  
  
  
  
  
  
(Author: mmacbeth)  
  
Sadly, it's not only the young women who suffer from this terrible disease.  
  
Here we see a poor boy of the streets, eyes red, clothes thin and torn, staring hopelessly into the sunset. He lost three girlfriends to Jackmansitis in the first month after the X-Men movie came out alone. Only a few short weeks afterwards, his sister was committed, and soon, because the disease spreads quickly in closed quarters, his mother as well.  
  
Disgusted with his wife's infidelity, the boy's father soon abandoned the family. Left alone with his mother and sister, the boy was helpless. Because education about this illness was not as widespread as it is today, he wasn't even sure what the problem was. He had nowhere to turn. All the family money began to go towards Wolverine posters and Internet bills. Their house filled up with Hugh action figures, pictures, and X-Men DVDs, quickly replacing necessities like food and heat, and the rent was neglected. Eventually his mother and sister were committed, and this poor boy was left to scavenge on the street.  
  
"I just want to get my story out, so more men won't have to suffer like I have," he proclaims, wiping his tears on the Hugh Jackman T-shirt that was the only thing he was permitted to wear in his mother's presence. "If you suspect you or someone you love has this disease, please, *get help*. You *can* get clean. Don't let it rip you and your family apart...bub." His eyes widen. "Sorry,I still slip sometimes. It hurts me so much!"  
  
Hearing that from this hollow shell of a person makes those words ring true for all of us. If someone in your life suffers from Jackmansitis, call 1-800-IWA-NTHU.   
  
  
(Author: ice princess deluxe)  
  
The day in the life of a Jackman sufferer.  
  
We have been permitted to follow a young lady that goes by the penname "ice princess deluxe" around for an entire day to see exactly how a person suffering from Jackmanitis lives. This is her entire schedule.  
1. She wakes up to a blown up, life sized poster of a shirtless Hugh Jackman that is posted up on her ceiling, one on the wall right next to her bed, and one on both sides of her closet door. Looking at the decor of the room, it seems that she has become afflicted with another, yet very similar strand of the Jackmanitis syndrome called "Wolverine Obsession Anxiety Habits", or WOAH. A sufferer is usually a female that has gone, very innocently, to view the X-Men movie with a friend of hers, usually a comic book buff that has forced her to go just because. Once viewing the movie, the sufferer instantly becomes obsessed with not only Hugh Jackman, but with the Marvel character Wolverine as well. They yearn to find out everything they can on the "Runty Canuck" as they like to call him, even at the means of their own checkbook suffering. As I was saying, Ice wakes up to several posters of Jackman on the walls and the ceiling of her room, then she dresses in a black tank top with an unbuttoned red flannel over it. Going over to her desk, she looks over at the very immaculate filing cabinet that contains each issue of the Wolverine comic that she owns. Getting out a list, she writes a few numbers down.   
2. We travel into town with Miss Princess Deluxe to the local Disk Jockey music store in the mall. This is where she goes in and buys several copies of the X-Men soundtrack, as well as another copy of the movie, because she has worn out the last ten copies already. It seems like she's a regular, because the clerk just smiles and hands her the movie cassette as soon as she steps into the door. Paying for her purchases, she leaves and goes to the bookstore she works at, because she has told us that they have gotten a new shipment of books in today. Heading straight towards a certain section, Ice comes back five minutes later with an armload of books, all Wolverine related. Add to that and the selections from the comic book rack that she has scanned over while waiting in line, she has already racked up a bill of $50, and that is with her 33% employee discount. Getting back into her truck, we leave the mall and head off towards the local Blockbuster movie store.  
3. At the store, we notice that the clerk has spotted her and is now cowering behind the register, shaking in fear. Not knowing why, I listen intently at the conversation between the young man and Miss Princess Deluxe.  
"Hi. Has 'Someone Like You' come out in video yet?" The man shudders.  
"N...no ma'am." We see Ice's eyes narrow.  
"Well, how about 'Paperback Hero'? Do you have that in stock yet?"  
"n...no..."  
"What is up with you people?! That is a Jackman classic! You have all sorts of tapes here, but nothing with Jackman!" she says, causing the other patrons in the store to start to stare at her. Turning on her heel, she leaves the store in a huff.   
4. Deciding that her mood needs to be lifted, Ice drives me to the local Toys-R-Us where she makes a beeline to the action figures. Spying one that she does not have, she makes a grab for it. Unfortunately, there is only one of these action figures, and it is in the hands of a little kid. One that is very determined to keep it. Ice starts asking him if she can have it, she tries to bribe him with money, the promise of some candy, or for him to settle with a Barbie doll instead. The kid starts to get scared and runs away, screaming for his mother. Ice gives chase, not wanting to let the figurine with the blue motorcycle out of her sight. Unfortunately, the kid wins this fight and Ice is very upset. Wanting to calm her down, I buy her a Gambit figurine.  
"It's not the same..." she says, but takes it anyway. Too distraught to drive, she gives me directions to our next stop.  
5. We arrive at the comic store and Ice is greeted by the clerk. It seems she's a regular there as well. The clerk herself seems to be in the late stages of the WOAH disorder, being an owner whose main collection contains nothing but Wolverine related comics. It seems that Ice has found a kindred spirit. Finally smiling, Ice makes her selections from the Wolverine bin and pays for them. As I said before, a victim of WOAH will do anything to satisfy their obsession, even at the expense of her own checkbook. Ice leaves the store with a huge grin on her face and her bank account $200 lighter. She is happy because she has finally completed her collection of Wolverine comics. She told me that now her goal in life is to collect every miscellaneous comic or mini series that Wolverine has appeared in. I also notice that one of her purchases is an X-Men #1 issue. I have a feeling that her checkbook will suffer more in the months to come.  
6. Heading home, we come to the end of the Jackmanitis sufferer's day. She kicks back in her living room and plugs in the new X-Men tape that she has just purchased. With her back to the screen, she starts reading her new comics, quoting the movie and what exactly the actors are doing at the same time. The only time she turns around is when the cage fight scene comes up. Then, she runs to the TV, sits real close, and starts to go into a daze. When her eyes glaze over and she starts to drool, I become very frightened and slowly back out of her house and into my car. Once inside, I revv up the motor and get out of the area posthaste with tires squealing and rubber burning. With people such as this roaming the streets every day, a cure for Jackmanitis must be found, and soon.   
  
  
(Author: Loki)  
  
Article from the Giffard Institute Circular, Beauport  
  
How to deal with a Jackmansitis case  
Dr. Jean Gris*, M.D., Ph. D.  
  
As a staff member of the Giffard Institute, every one of you must be aware of the basics rules, regulations and treatments of that new disease called Jackmansistis.  
  
This disease, which relates to the over-viewing of a certain movie (first rule: never EVER pronounce it's title), or over-reading of certain comics or fanfiction over the Net, is relatively new in our country.  
  
Specialists from all over the world (see the abstract from the Danish Daily News) had noticed the uprising of this non-deadly disease. It only hit a few people in our country, and among them, French-speaking people had been hopefully immune.  
  
But the fact that the French translation of this movie was so bad that it repelled most of the French-speaking audience, the English version had success among those of them who can deal with English. All that to say: we discovered that some of our countrymen (I should say, countrywomen) had fallen after seeing THE movie.  
  
So we must all learn to deal with these patients.  
  
Some symptoms of the Jackmansistis are easily noticeable. For example, it will be obvious if you hear a woman saying:  
  
"Tasse-toé d'là, bub!"  
  
Note the mix use of French and English. That word, *bub*, is typical of a second degree pathology of Jackmansistis. Note: never EVER use the word *bub* around a patient.  
  
I even met a patient who was a rare case. This is an example that could be important in showing how bad a case of Jackmansistis can be.  
  
That French-speaking woman, I thought, was a stage 1 or 2 of the disease. After many sessions with her, hearing her complaining about guys not having hair on their chest, or mutton-chops, seemed to make some progress, as she accepted to watch another movie (of her own, she admitted having seen THE movie 34 times).  
  
After seeing Gladiator, and groaned all the time, I asked how she felt. Her answer was: "Bagus. How's the professor?"  
  
I know. Bagus is not a word in THE movie. So I had some research to do. It turned out that the patient had spent 5 whole days on the NET, downloading THE movie from some place, cutting herself from phone calls and everything to get it. Only things was, she only had been able to download an English version sub-titled in Korean or Japaneese. *Bagus* means *fantastic*.  
  
Now, we all need to know how to act around. First, the rules (if you never speak English, it is most certain you will not upset a Jackmansistis patient, since they guinely refuse to acknowledge any French version of THE movie).  
  
Never say: bub, fantastic, cage, claws, chest, hair, feral, groan, SNICK, darlin', d***  
  
If you need a Jackmansistis to follow you (for further treatment), you would:  
Tell them you are headed for Laughling City  
You have a friend nicknamed Wolverine  
Your brother produces adamantium  
Charles Xavier is your uncle  
Your first name is Logan, but you don't know anything else about yourself  
  
Now, for the regulations.  
  
Male staff:  
Only hairy chested men will be hired  
Priority in hiring will be given to bald men in wheel-chair.  
Hired masculine staff must bear mutton-chops (exception to the above category)  
Hired masculine staff are to done dog-tags with the name Wolverine on it  
  
Female staff:  
Red hair, white streak, are strictly forbidden (for your own safety)  
Doe-eyes are also forbidden  
  
We will soon have the honour of Dr. Laege's visit in our walls. I expect every one of you to attend to his seminar on Jackmansistis. This world-wide specialist (see Article attached) will tell us everything about that disease. For now, keep on the regulations.  
  
  
(Author: Lateo)  
  
*Slide* = a new picture appears  
********************************  
Transcript from Dr.Laege´s seminar.  
  
Dr. Laege: Welcome everyone. Today I would like to show some slides to show how carefully one must proceed in curing this disease.  
  
*Slide*  
  
Here we see the patent Lateo, She is one of our worst cases and for a while we thought she could never be cured. But since some of the newest research has shown that shock therapy might work...Yes?  
  
Dr.Beaster: Electro shock seems a rather hard cure.  
  
Dr,Laege: Oh No, We don´t give the patients Electro shock.   
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: We produced a false X-Men movie, sorry I didn´t mean to whisper the word X-Men, it´s an old habit from the institute. Anyway we produced a false X-Men tape.  
  
*Slide  
  
Dr.Laege: Here you see the patients happy reaction as the nurse tells her she will be allowed to watch X-Men. Notice how she even removes her eyes from the computer screen for a few seconds.  
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: The movie is running and the Cage scene is approaching. The patient is muttering the lines before they are spoken and she is moving even closer to the television screen.  
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: We are now at the part of the movie where Rogue is entering the bar, the patient can now hear the cage fight in the background but no real images of Jackman are shown yet.  
  
*Slide*  
  
The Audience: *Gasp*  
  
Dr.Laege: Yes, this is where the shock therapy aspect comes in. We had replaced the Jackman scene with another actor. Here Lateo sees the back of this actor, who is in no way attractive. Notice the look of utter horror in her face.  
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: Here she tried fast forwarding the tape and discovers that all the Jacman scenes have been changed.   
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: Here she discovers the scene in the bedroom between Wolverine and Jean Gray. Here we have altered the tape so Wolverine asks Jean to marry her, she then accepts and Scott comes in and agree that it is a "Great idea". Scott and Logan then Hug.  
  
*Slide*  
  
Dr.Laege: We also videotaped this experiment but the pictures was just to strong to show. As you see it took three nurses to hold her down, we can´t hear it but now she is chanting "No Yummy Jackman goodness for Lateo" and "Jean BAD"  
Soon after she became catatonic.  
  
  
  
(Author: Jo the Phoenix)  
  
News broadcast   
  
  
----- And now, another report from The Johnson Institute in Denmark, where women of all ages are suffering from a terrible disease. We go to Richard Appleby for this horrifying story....  
  
Thank you, Janice... hundreds of young women from this area have apparently come down with what is being called "Jackmansitis", a terrible condition, characterised by long periods on catatonia, obsessive behaviour, and loss of reason. This chilling disease is caused by obsession with the 2000 motion picture "X-Men", and it's lead actor, Hugh Jackman. We've tried repeatedly to get an interview with Mr. Jackman, but he is unavailable for comment. We go instead to Dr. Phillip Nolan, one of the leading researchers of Jackmansitis.  
  
Dr. Nolan is a bald man who sits in a wheelchair. He shaves his head every day and doesn't really need the wheelchair, but he'll explain shortly why he does the things he does. We see him now, softly conversing with one of the "Stage Four" patients of the disease.   
  
Stage four is where the victim has plastered her walls with posters of Wolverine, spent most of her money on back issues of comics, spent the rest of it on internet access to write and post short stories about her obsession. There is little hope for women beyond stage four, unfortunately.   
  
Our Stage Four victim, we'll call her Phoenix, is now sniffing a cigar, which she keeps in her pocket. She smiles and rocks back and forth in her chair, no doubt thinking of Wolverine, for her eyes have the tell tale glazed over look of all of the victims of Jackmansitis.  
  
Dr. Nolan shakes his head sadly as the male nurses come and show Phoenix back to her room. Nothing more can be done for her. She is too far-gone.   
Once the girl is gone, Dr. Nolan gets up from his wheel chair and stretches. Scratching the top of his stubble head, he tells us his reasons for the deception...  
  
"The girls all looked at me with distrust when I first arrived at the Institute... so I bought the wheelchair and razors. It seems to work...they all think that I "Generally want to help" them." Dr. Nolan shudders sick to death of that phrase. "They all trust me now, though they all call me "Wheels"."  
  
We'll return to this story as it develops. Richard Appleby, signing off.  
  
  
(Author: Adam Safran)  
  
  
"All will rise - the Court is now in session."  
  
"Hehe - he said session."  
  
And with that, the trial of Adam Safran for possession and distribution of controlled substances was about to begin.  
  
"Your honour, the defendant here today is accused of possession and distribution of controlled substances to those under psychiatric care, resulting in an immense deteoriation of their condition, furthermore - "  
  
"Its a lie! They needed those things! You don't know what its like being put in a padded room without any decoration, tied up like a mummy in a straitjacket! All of the little birdies flying around your head... Tweedledee and Tweetledum... Gee, I wonder if I could make my head spin around in a circle... Lahlahlahlahlah..."  
  
"Your honour, my client has forgotten to take his medication. We would like to enter a plea of - "  
  
"GUILTY! WE'RE ALL GUILTY! I'M GUILTY, YOU'RE GUILTY! YOUR THIRD COUSIN'S HALF SISTER'S BARBER WHO USES HER HAIR AS INCENSE! WE'RE ALL GUILTY!"  
  
"Uhm, as I was saying, not guilty by reason of *permanent* insanity."  
  
"Very well - counsel, please continue with your opening statement."  
  
"Ah, thank you, your honour. (Why do I always have to be teh one to argue with these nutjobs? I could've passed the bar exam and become a defense attorney for a big law firm, but nnnnnnnooooooooooo... Mom wanted me to put bad guys in jail like Perry Mason... He's a defense attorney, for crying out loud! But what momma wants, momma gets... ANd I'm stuck putting away nutjobs! I really hate my life...) Uhm, as I was saying, the Defendant, one Adam Safran, stands here accused of providing controlled substances to those suffering from the disease called "Jackmansitis" by the popular media. He has greatly increased their suffering by preventing them from being cut off from access to the controlled materials. Your honour, this man is the biggest distributor of Hugh Jackman paraphenelia in the world! And he does it for free!"  
  
This was the signal for the large number of women who were in the audience and hoping that their access to Hugh Jackman stuff wouldn't be cut off to swarm Adam, and he had a hard time writing down all of their addresses. He grinned - business was gonna skyrocket when this made the evening news!   
  
  
  
(Author: WolvieGal)  
  
"Hello, this is Patty Bighair with channel 6 news. We are here outside the courthouse for the trial of Adam Safran. We have heard several loud screams from inside the courthouse, but there is yet no word on the outcome of the trial. We have with us here on the steps of the courthouse a young woman anxiously awaiting the appearance of Adam Safran, who according to unsubstantiated rumours is pleading insanity as we speak. Hello miss, can you give us your name?"  
  
"Wolviegal."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Wolviegal."  
  
"What kind of a name is Wolviegal?"  
  
"What kind of a name is Patty Bighair?"  
  
The reporter ignored that last question. "What's your real name?"  
  
"Marie/Rogue. But only he can call me Marie."  
  
"Slash? Nevermind. Can you tell us why you are here waiting to see Adam Safran?"  
  
"He's the biggest and best source of Wolverine and Jackman merchandise anywhere, darlin'."  
  
"Miss, uh, Wolviegal, are you an addict?"  
  
"Me? No, no I just need some stuff for a friend of mine. A lot of stuff. Actually for several friends. I don't have a problem. Nope I'm all right. Fantastic."  
  
"It's the middle of August, Miss, uh, Wolviegal, why are you wearing opera gloves?"  
  
"Ah don't know. When people touch muh skin, they just get hurt."  
  
"Do I smell beer on you? Are you drunk? Have you been drinking?"  
  
"I'm not the one who gave the train station a new sunroof, pal!"  
  
"Sunroof? What? Oh look! The courthouse doors are opening! Mr. Safran!" Patty Bighair runs forward with the microphone, camera man following behind her. "Mr. Safran! What can you tell us about the trial?"  
  
Wolviegal dives to reach him first, knocking everyone else out of the way, including Patty Bighair. She throws a hypodermic needle hitting Adam Safran in the neck. She then bundles him, now unconscious in a large black bag and begins to carry him off stopping only to flash the blades of three pocket knives from between her knuckles at the camera man.  
  
"Do none of you understand what I am trying to do here? Once I put Hugh Jackman all over the world, everyone will worship him! Our fate will be theirs!"   
  
  
(Author: Adam Safran)  
  
Adam snored peacefully as Wolviegal drove him off. He was already planning Phase One of his plan to bring Jackman to the masses. The world leaders were having a summit that would be broadcast across every major television station across the world. In his dreams, Adam hooked hacked into the broadcasts and replaced them with a little item he'd come up with called "Hugh - A Jackman's Story." With that broadcast around the world, Jackman mania would be brought to all! Adam snored fitfully, until WolvieGal arrived at her hidden underground lair, which had been decorated like the labyrinth of tunnels beneath the X-Mansion, and every wall was filled with posters of Hugh Jackman and Wolverine... As WolvieGal slapped him, Adam woke up... Too bad he was a straight guy... He really wished that he was a girl, so that he could benefit from the madness that he wanted to spread throughout the world...   
  
  
(Author: Witheld)  
  
"This is Patty Bighair, back at the studio with our first guest. This man's name is being Witheld for his own safety."  
  
"Thank you, Patty." Said the face, which was being blurred by artificial means. "Yes, I've suffered the side effects of Jachmanitis for years. I'm not actually a sufferer, you understand--" he added hastily, "but I have a sister, and a mother...." He trailed off brokenly, and Patty nods.  
  
"I understand you've become something of an expert on Jackmanitis. How did that come about?"  
  
"It started with prolonged exposure to my sister and mother. I...maybe I'd better start at the beginning.  
  
"I'm the one who took them to see the movie. I've always been a big fan of the X-Men...and, um, Halle Berry. In spandex. Anyway, after they saw it, they wanted to go again. And since it was such a great movie anyway, I went! If only I'd known, Patty...  
  
"Soon, it had taken over their lives. I was fortunate; I managed to hide some money from them, and then used my college psychology training to diagnose them. I realised quite soon that this new disease was rampant. I immediately got in touch with Dr. Leage. Together we put my mother and sister into treatment.  
  
"I've been studying with and independently of Dr. Leage for some time now. I've spent countless hours on Internet message boards listening to sufferers rant about Hugh's ass. We think we're on the verge of a breakthrough; unfortunately, with more and more Jackman movies coming out, the danger is increasing exponentially."  
  
"Indeed. And just why do you fear for your life?"  
  
"Because one of my great goals in life is to end the suffering of these people trapped by Jackmanitis. And like the worst drug addict, they don't want to be saved. If they knew I was looking for a cure, I'd be as good as dead."  
  
"Yes, I see. Have you heard that some extreme fringes advocate killing Hugh Jackman?"  
  
*concerted gasp from studio audience*  
  
"Yes, Patty, I had. Fortunately, Dr. Leage squashed that movement early on. Unfortunately, several men then put forth the idea that we make him stop making movies. Their bodies were found...days later...in small pieces."  
  
"Oh! How shocking!"  
  
"Yes. They were the first people killed by this disease...but they deserved it."  
  
"..."  
  
"I mean for being stupid enough to declare their views in a public forum, in front of Jackmanitis sufferers."  
  
"Oh, of course."  
  
"Yes. Dr. Leage and I, working closely together for the past week, have discovered another insidious side of this disease. It turns out there may be a male counterpart, for straight males. This one very closely resembles the Schwarzenegger virus. It inspires men to lift weights, walk around shirtless, and talk like Hugh Jackman."  
  
"Oh! That's....um...awful? Well..."  
  
"Exactly. Further, the infected females, upon finding an infected male, go wild. The males as well. Together they each become TWICE as infected. Fortunately, at the present rate of infection, not many of them have found each other. But at hubs of communication, such as online message boards--"  
  
"Dear God!"  
  
"You said it, darlin`."   
  



	4. Chapter 4

This was written by people from many different places in the world so the spelling   
will not be perfect.   
  
  
  
  
(Author: CrazyGirl)  
  
"Thank you 'Witheld'. We will now go to our corrospondant live outside the Johnson Institute." Patty Bighair said and the setting changed.  
  
"Hello this is Anya Autumn live outside the Johnson Institute. Today, the patients have been allowed outside and are allowed to have a visitor. A rareity in itself. You see, they aren't allowed to go outside without critical supervision for fear they will escape and spread the disease. They aren't often allowed visitors for the same reason. We have been given the privilage of interviewing a patient and her visitor under the supervision of Dr. Forge, a colleague of the acclaimed Dr. Laege. Let's talk to him."  
  
"Hello Ms.Autumn. Well, as you said it is rare for the patients to see the light of day, but the government forces us to take them outside at least once every two months."  
  
"Really? So if the government didn't force you, you wouldn't do it at all?"  
  
"No. And you wouldn't be conducting this interview if you didn't have a court order, because the disease is incredibly contagious. Dr. Laege and I are actually testing a hypothisis of ours."  
  
"Which is...?" Anya Autumn inquired.  
  
"That Jackmansitis is actually airborne."  
  
"Wow. If it were?"  
  
"Well, every women on earth could, in fact, be carrying a strain of this dreaded disease." Dr. Forge stated sadly.  
  
"If that were true, why aren't they showing any signs?"  
  
"They would remain dormant until provoked by a movie or magazine, or worse, songs from 'OKLAHOMA!!' downloaded from Napster." Once the words escaped his lips, Dr.Forge regretted them.  
  
"OKLAHOMA!!!??" a corus of females yelled in the background and began drooling at the thought of a shirtless, curly-haired Hugh.  
  
Dr.Forge began to visibly sweat before a nurse came and asked, "Doctor, should we use the tasers?"  
  
"YES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES!!!!"  
  
"Tasers?" the reporter asked incredulously.  
  
"Well, the pain takes there mind off of {{Jackman}} (the last part being whispered). Anyway, before you can talk to the patient, you'll need some background," he flipped through some papers on his clipboard, " Her name is Rachel, but she goes by 'CrazyGirl' here because she was among the first to reach stage six. During stage six, the patient has it so bad that she can transmit the disease to male friends. By which we mean, they too, begin to be physically attracted to {{Jackman}}. As you can tell, stage six only recently emerged."  
  
"You mean to say that Jackmansitis can be so potent is can be given to men?" Anya asked, bewildered.  
  
"Yes. We are trying to find all infected men and send them to our sister institute in Antarctica. The good thing about stage six is that only homosexual men seem to be affected. But before, no men were, and therein lies the problem."  
  
"But I see that 'CrazyGirl' has a male visitor."  
  
"Yes, his name is Nick. He is straight though."  
  
"You know this for sure?"  
  
"We showed him pictures of Russel Crowe and he showed no outward response."  
  
"Why not show him pictures of {{Jackman}}?"  
  
"All pictures have been banned unless on a personal computer of the patients stage four and up. Now would you like to talk to 'CrazyGirl'?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I will be monitoring you, if you begin to become affected, you will be asked to end the conversation and will be forced to be quarentined for a week. You DO understand the risks?" Dr. Forge asked, to make sure.  
  
"Of course. I'll take my chances to show the people what will happen if they, or their loved ones go without help."  
  
"Good luck and god speed." Dr.Forge said taking his position.  
  
The reporter went over to 'CrazyGirl' and Nick. They seemed to be talking about someone named Kyle and how much of a bas**** he was.  
  
"The jerk didn't even call me to tell me his plans were cancelled and he goes out with Susan." CrazyGirl said, throwing her hands in the air.  
  
"That terd! I can't believe he did that! Want me to beat him up?" Nick asked her.  
  
"No, when I get out I want to, but you can hold him down if you want."  
  
"Sure anything for you, Kjorkina!"  
  
"Hello. My name is Anya Autumn. I'm here to..."  
  
"Yeah, I was told about what you're here to do, bub."  
The word 'bub' created an uproar and the tasers were need again.  
  
"Yes, well, ANYWAY. If I could begin the interview. My first question is when did you realize you had Jackmansitis?"   
  
"When Nick here said he thought I might be infected." CrazyGirl said shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Is this true?" Autumn asked Nick.  
  
"Yes. She was over at my house and we were watching the X-Men DVD adn all she would allow us to watch was the {{Hugh Jackman}} screen test."  
  
"EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? YOU were the one who was demanding to watch that! YOU were the one with the 7, that's right, 7! Hugh Jackman shrines!"  
  
"Shut up Kjorkina!"  
  
"Kjorkina?!? Jackman shrines? What is going on here?" Autumn demanded.  
  
"Kjorkina is code. It means 'I love Hugh Jackman!!!' His nick-name is Elmah, simply because his screen name is ElmerHelens. Why? I can't say. And yes, he has Hugh shrines!"  
  
The unexpected information had the rest of the patients in a zombie like state. They were all chanting 'Jackman, Jackman, Jackman, Jackman...' The tasers were now useless.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!" the nurses were screaming in horror. Dr. Forge was making the 'knock it off' sign with his hand rapidly moving across his throat. Anya Autumn ignored this and pressed on further.  
  
"Just what exactly are in these shrines?"  
  
"Ya know, pictures, pictures, several more pictures, and lots of candles." Nick began drooling.  
  
"LORDY! He's got it!" Dr.Forge cried, "HE LIED! HE SAID HE WAS STRAIGHT!! HE LIED HE LIED HE LIED HE LIED HE LIED!!!" Dr.Forge broke down into hysterics.  
  
"OOO!! Nick, tell them what you did at Swordfish!" CrazyGirl said excitedly.  
  
"Swordfish?" severly other patients asked, " DOES HUGH HAVE A NEW MOVIE??" (many patients had been in the institute for some time and did not know of the existance, so it was news to them)  
  
"Yeah, he's got a new movie! He even wears a towel in one scene. ONLY a towel." Nick said his eyes becoming distant. "I wish it would have fallen off."  
  
"Tell them the story, Elmah! You'll love this, Anya!"  
  
"I'm sure I will," she replied becoming infected herself.  
  
"Coo, anyway what happened was there is this one scene where Halle Berry says, "I'm not here to suck you're d*** Stanley." and I said, " I AM!!!" Almost everyone in the theater turned to look at us. But it was worth it. He is SOO hot!"   
  
"Yeah, he is..." CrazyGirl and Anya said at the same time. Just then one of the other patients notced the camera man.  
  
"OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT MUTTON CHOPS!!!!" An entire mob of horny women, and one gay man started after him. Fearing for his life the camera man {who's name was Joe-Bob, for no reason at all} dropped the camera and the screen turned to stactic.  
  
The screen changed back. "That was, well, interesting. We can only presume that the poor camera man will die a quick and painless death." Patty Bighair stated sadly shaking her head. "On a lighter note, we have a clip of a puppy dog biting a man's bootay!"   
  
The screen cut to the attack..   
  
***  
  
(Author: NeptuneLadyOfTheSea )  
  
"This is Patty Bighair from channel 6 news. In recent events i have once again been invited back to the Jackmanitis treatment center. While my visit I have been aloud to visit a young woman who goes by the online name of NeptuneLadyOfTheSea." Patty says and enters a room where and girl no older then 16 sits smiling happily. She has long black hair that had been obviously dyed. Patty sits down and the camera man zooms in on the younger girl noticing the blue contacts over her once green eyes.  
  
"So, NeptuneLadyoftheSea, when were you first effected by this disease?"  
  
"First off call me Jubilee, And i was first effected by the cartoon, where i saw a young girl I could relate to. She had jut joined and Quickly became friends with Wolverine... (Drools a bit.) Then it developed when I got my hands on the comic. My parents knew nothing of it nor cared. it was a healthy thing for me. to read and all." Stops and starts crying a bit.  
  
"It's okay, please continue." Patty insists and Jubilee/Neptune nods.  
  
"Well you see when I heard the movie would be coming out, I went mostly for a glimpse at my favorite person, Jubilation Lee, goddess of Colors, well i saw her, but not before seeing the wonderful, beautiful, handsome, lovely, godly Hugh Jackman. I feel in love. I even sent him fanmail after words, but we're not there yet. you see i was in love, then that bimbo came and took him, just like that other bimbo in the comics. My poor Jubilee was left with only a walk on and a sit down spot. It would have been fine till the bimbo Rogue took my beautiful Jackman's affection and I was left Crying.... Why, why did you have to do it. you should have left her on the side of the road where she belonged. Was it not enough that she tortured poor gambit, but now she has the chance at hugh." Burst out crying unable to talk anymore. Suddenly a girl rushes in. her whole body is covered in Clothing and she wears Dogtags around her neck. Jubilee/Neptune looks at her and the tears are replaced by Anger.   
  
"Jubilee you've gone to far. Rogue only was in trouble. Logan helped her. Hugh Jackman did the right thing and helped. So what if he gave her that fatherly affect Jubilation is not worthy of." The rogue wanna be says and in the back ground shouts of "come back Marie" and "Get the sleeping gas, all hell is about to break lose."  
  
"She is worthy of it you slut, shut your pathetic mouth. you are worth less. At least my jubilation looked like she is suppose to. Your pathetic whore one couldn't even speak right." Jubilee/Neptune says and throws a hand full of color full tacks at Rogue.  
  
"At least she said more then one line." Rogue said and took of her gloves the two begin to duke it out. Jubilee/Neptune avoids skin contact while rogue wannabe avoids the colorful tacks. soon ten guards come in a drag the pair away from each other and to their separate rooms. Rogue left mumbling about herself with read marks all over her face and Jubilee/Neptune crying asking where her wolvie is and why he left her for a Whore name Pryde.  
  
"Well that concludes this visit. Though I would have hoped that I could have gotten more in detail with the severity of her case, it was only a brief interview. till next time, this is patty Bighair signing off.   
  
***  
  
(Author: Lateo)  
  
Dear Dr.Kiru  
  
Yesterday we tried to bring the patien Lateo out of her catonic state, which she has been in ever since we tried to treat her with shoock therapy.  
  
After consulting experts in Australia we decided that the best way was to put her in the Jackman room and hope that by allowing her unhealty obsession she would recover.   
  
The Jackman room contains all the Jackman items confiscated from the patients who are still in the earely stages of the disease. (the patients in the fatal stages have to be given Jackman acces to avoid unnessesary suffering.)  
  
My dear college, the Jackman room is a TERRIBLE place. The walls are covered with Hugh Jackman pictures, boxes filled with dogtags, action dolls and cigars are scattered around the coners. Often the patients get very creative in their obsession for Jackman; One even carved his ass from a piece of soap.  
  
It was our hope that by leaving her subjected to so much Jackman she would recover, surely the picture of him in a towel besides Halle Barry would do the trick.   
  
But even though one of the male nurses claims he saw her look at her ass. She still apears to be catatonic. I will write more as the case progresses.  
  
Dr.Laege   
  
***  
  
(Author: Witheld)  
  
Dear Dr. Leage;  
  
My research was going well until last week, when I finished tests on the Internet boards. The results were conclusive.  
  
I know now that the shock treatment, which we've invested so much time in, doesn't work. The horrible fics I've been spreading haven't done anything. Also, the deprivation treatment doesn't work, not even on a level one sufferer. Once Jackman is in their blood, there's no hope for them.  
  
And the saturation cure didn't work out either. They just keep getting worse.  
  
We're going to have to start floating new theories. All the old ones are just dead ends.  
  
What about Dr. Forge's treatment? I liked the chemical cocktail, even if it was a bit risky. We'll just have to be extra careful.  
  
Yours truly,  
  
Doctor (((((((name whited out here)))))))  
  
PS Another colleague of mine dissapeared yesterday. I've begun hiring Hugh-lookalikes to protect me. I suggest you invest in similar measures before it's too late.   
  
***  
  
(Author: Lateo)  
  
Letter written on a napkin.  
  
Dear Dr.(((((((name whited out here)))))))  
  
I am writing you from a hidden location because i have been forced to go into hiding. Where ever I go women w wearing dogtags are following me. They say they want to congratulate me for removing the compitition for Jackmans affection but I dont believe them. They are up to something. For the love of God, avoid everyone wearing yellow raincoats.They are the most dangerous of them all.  
  
Dr.Laege   
  
***  
  
(Author: Witheld)  
  
Letter on a blood stained peice of paper.  
  
Dr. Leage,  
  
I have finally found a cure.  
  
My God, the horror!!  
  
Let the illness run its course, Dr. Leage! Let the illness run its course! Sooner or later Hugh Jackman will die, and the disease will stop mutating! Then you can fight it!  
  
If we'd only known...my god...if we'd only known!!  
  
I've been shot. I don't know if I will live...the horror!  
  
If you get this letter....find a bunker. Hide out. Don't come out until Jackman is finally dead!  
  
I understand so much now...the disease mutates.  
  
It was so innocuous at first...then frightening.  
  
My god, they're all mad!! Mad!!  
  
YOU MUST STOP LOOKING FOR A CURE!!! A cured patient...my god...imagine if you had a head full of some beautiful woman...who you knew intimately...and it was all taken away. Wouldn't you become homocidal?  
  
I can hear someone coming. They may rescue me...they may be here to finish me off. Whether I live or die, you will never hear from me again.  
  
Dr. (((((name blotted out with blood)))))   
  
***  
  
(Author: Lateo)  
  
Police rapport.  
  
The victem, a male, was found in a hidden bunker. We have yet to determen the cause of death. But the body had been moved. The murdere has for some sick reason added gel to the victems hair and styled it into odd points on either side. The victem was also wearing a dogtag and attempts at putting him in a red shirt had been made it looks like the murdere was distracted before he/she could finish their sick retuals. the victem had a piece of yellow cloth in his hand and...  
  
*rest of rapport is missing*   
  
***  
  
(Author: Loki)  
  
** Special News Flash **  
  
We just received news from our local correspondant in Quebec, Canada, about an hostage situation at a local psychiatric institution.  
  
Here is Joan Smith, located in Giffard, Canada.  
  
"Hi Joan. What is happening there?"  
  
The reporter looks straight at the camera. "A few minutes ago, a 911 cal had been sent to the local police station. It seems some patients had gone wild and took the director as an hostage. We got the actual 911 call record. Let's hear it."  
  
** "911, vous êtes là?"  
"Quel est votre problème, monsieur?"  
"Mon problème?!?!? J'ai été pris en otage par une gang de patients... Les pires patients: les Jackmansistis!"  
"Ou êtes-vous maintenant?"  
"Elles m'ont amené dans la cave de l'asile... elles cherchent une grande salle ronde... J'sais pas c'qu'elle vont faire... Elles arrêtent pas de crier quelque chose au sujet de la mort de Hugh Jackman..."  
"Hugh Jackman est MORT?????!!!!!!!!!!* *scream of the 911 person*  
"Écoutez, prévenez la police. VITE!!!!!"  
*** (End of the record)  
  
"Very ... huh.. interesting, Joan. You got a translation?" asked the news lady.  
  
"Sure. Here is our translator's work."  
  
**911, you there?"  
"What's the matter, sir?"  
"Hey, I have been taken hostage by a gang of patients.. the worst patients: the Jackmansistis!"  
"Where are you now?"  
"They dragged me to the basement.. they are looking for a big round room... I dunno what they're up to... but they keep shouting things about Hugh Jackman never dying..."  
"Hugh Jackman is DEAD???????" shouts the 911 woman.  
"Hey, just call the cops. Hurry!!!!!"  
*** (End of translation)  
  
"Hugh Jackman is DEAD??????????" screams the news lady. Her face turns a pure white and she looks as if going into shock.   
  
***  
  
(Author: CrazyGirl)  
  
^^Special News Report^^  
Today in Sydney, Australia: Riots have erupted. Mobs and mobs of women have taken over the streets, destroying everything in their path. Police in riot gear were sent out but were quickly overcome by the raging women. Help was to be sent in by the army, but when buildings began to be destroyed, an evacuation order was given to the residents and shop owners.  
  
It seems as though the rioters enter houses and shops looking for Hugh Jackman memorabilia. Once it is found, or it is found that there is none, they leave and turn the buildings into structure fires. One of the very few women who was apprehended before the police retreated stated that they do this because they are angry that more of Jackman is not available.  
  
Also, in Australia, aboriginal children that were up for adoption have been adopted, all of them. Some children have even been taken from their homes. Experts believe this is due to Hugh and his wife, Deborra's adoption of their aboriginal son, Oscar.  
  
As most of you can guess, the riots and adoptions were sparked by Jacmansitis, as epidemic sweeping the world. Experts still do not know for sure the cause of this horrific disease, but say that no end is sight. Many say that men married to or dating someone suffering from this disease should try to do nothing about it, it may cause severe injuries if they do so.  
  
Jackman could not be reached for comment on the condition of the riots or the illness plaguing the planet.   
  
***  
  
(Author: sparklagal)  
  
Excerpt from Village whited out Village School Times  
  
Hugh Jackman. The Very name can put mobs in hysteria, or make grown men (and only men) cringe with horror,  
Jackmansitis has been sweeping the nation causing mobs, occult like followings and several institutions. the sickness has even come to small towns like this. It shows it can not be stopped. Jackmansitis is spreading fast. Even now it holds over half of Vermont in its grasp. Not to mention Villages name whited out. Several shrines have been created and both churches have been turned in to places of worship for, as we call him, God.  
  
What can we do about this terrible and wonderful disease? NOTHING!!! WE WILL ALL BE UNDER ITS POWER FOR A THOUGSAND YEARS!!!! AND NO ONE CAN STOP IT! NO ONE!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!   
  
***  
(Author: Agent51)  
  
Houses of Parliament. London. England.   
Excerpt fron the 6 O'Clock News.  
  
Start transmission// Ah, yes Gordon. As you can see strange scenes have erupted here at the centre of Britsh politics as an unidentified woman answering only to the name "Agent" has barricaded herself inside the main mechanics chamber at the top of Big Ben. The only information we have on her reasons for such action is that, I quote "He's not Wolverine"  
Obviously in an agitated state the only conclusion the police psychiatrists were able to reach is that this is in someway related to the worldwide epidemic of Jackmanitis.  
[Cut to shot of lone woman swinging legs over side the clock face ledge, shouting "They'll never get me up here. I refuse to be a sheep to the slaughter. They'll never get me cause I'm the best"][Cut back to broadcaster]   
So far her only demand is to be allowed to speak with Stan Lee, the creator of Marvil Comics. Until then though, her actions remain inexplicable.   
This is Hugh Griffiths,Big Ben, London. Turns and runs as the women present at scene are affected by the name Hugh, and chase him across the green towards the Thames   
River.  
//End of Transmission//   
  
***  
(Author: Lateo)  
  
Dear Diary  
  
As you know I live in Europe and due to the pure evilness of the movie industri I am not able to see Jackman movies instantly. But Then this ladies magasine had movie reviews and they claimed Someone Like You would come out the 3l/8 Imagin my utter Joy.   
  
Finally I too would be able to see my Hugh walk around in thight black shorts Contence is unreadable some liqued,most likely drool has made the letters unreadeble...and his cheest GOD his cheest.  
  
But now that date has passed and there are no yummy Jackman goodness ANYWHERE. I am consedering joining the underground. Evil like this mis-information MUST be stopped.   
  
****  
  
So...Did you recognice your self ;) Please review.  
  
  



End file.
